The Big L

Ugh. It’s the day after and I still feel horrible.
But I survived Round 1-let’s hope there isn’t a Round 2.
Yes, I survived (my first) layoff. It was a biggie, and even though I’m in an industry where it isn’t uncommon, still came as a shock.

I should have known when I saw mysterious security guards hanging around, one outside, and one inside. We have security come around now and again, but hanging out inside? Weird. But I continued to go about my morning. Then my boss broke the news to me in a meeting, that S was going down. Shortly after, whispers started and people started getting escorted out of the buildling one by one. With each new “L” march, came another gasp or “STFU” remark from a coworker (and myself). By noon, all was done.

I’ve never been through this before. I’ve never known the feeling of seeing people you’ve known for years being forced to leave and walk away, never to be in this building again.
People that have been here for 10, 15, 17 years. Wives, sister-in-laws; thisis a kind of place where families work, where its not uncommon to have your spouse in another department. This is a kind of place where I have been so proud to work at, and thrilled since the first time I walked in the door three and a half years ago. Others have the same pride; wear the companies name like a badge of honor. Yet, the layoff gods didn’t care. Didn’t take into account the loyalty some of these people had, the years of dedication, the hard work put forth.
I know it’s the “economic times” and all that crap, but it doesn’t make it any better, any easier. I know people said that with our industry, it was only a matter of time, but it doesn’t help. I know I’m lucky I’m still here, still standing. However; there were times yesterday where I wanted to go in their place. I don’t have a baby on the way (that I know of, at least). I don’t have a family to support (well, there’s R and Cal, I suppose). I don’t have a kid in high school, ready to go to college next year.
After it was all said and done, the office had a new sound to it-sadness. You’d see a fellow co-worker and politely smile with sad eyes and nod your head a bit, knowing that it meant an “I’m sad, too” gesture. You’d go out to the parking lot, and wonder whose car was missing. Were they on a lunch break, or were they on a permanent break.
It was like a plague. It didn’t really care who it touched, didn’t play favorites or save those who were weak or those who were strong.
When I got home last night, all I wanted was a bottle of wine and a straw. Luckily, I didn’t have a straw otherwise I would have not felt so great this morning. But it did get R and I talking, though. We had the “what if” talk. More so, “what if” it happened to me, since the Catholic school doesn’t quite shell out the big bucks to him anyways. We don’t have a much of a plan in place, mostly because we don’t have much to put a plan in place. Our fault there. I guess we’d pack up shop, and move to…I’m not quite sure. Maybe Norcal, maybe Portland. Maybe Yosemite. Hard to say.
It’s a scary time, one I haven’t been through before. Heck, R even went to a local gun shop the other day and he said the place was pretty much cleaned out. And they aren’t going out of business. It’s that kind of scary. (I made sure R has ammunition. I’m not a gun kind of person, but I’m sure not stopping the man.) I was talking to my father in law last night, and he actually grew up in the great depression era. There was a time when he and his parents had to move into his grandfather’s house, along with all his aunts and uncles and their kids because his grandfather was the only one working. Unemployment was at 25%. So, he knows a thing or two about hard times. He’s seen a lot of tuna noodle casserole in his life. So could it be worse, I know, I know.
But it still doesn’t make it any easier.